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Summer 2020 Performance Review

Connecticut Humane Society

Employee: Gilbert

Length of Service: 6 months

Gilbert was hired as an office helper at the Connecticut Humane Society after he arrived with an injury on his face. He’d been living as a stray cat outside and had an unclear past vaccination history. Due to having no details on what caused the wound, Gilbert needed to quarantine at CHS for six months as a rabies precaution, per state law.

Given his lengthy stay, Gilbert began working with the Director of Operations and Assistant Director of Operations. At 12 years old, Gilbert had proven he was mature, wise, and far beyond his easily distracted, can’t-sit-still kitten years, and emphasized that playtime was no longer his priority.

He was assigned tasks of light filing, recording phone messages, organizing a pile of pens, notifying coworkers of any stinkbugs or spiders, filling the printer with paper, and sitting politely during meetings.

While Gilbert started off as an eager assistant, he soon began ignoring his work responsibilities and came up with his own assignments—ones that generally provide no actual clerical help at all. These include and are not limited to: napping on the printer he’s supposed to maintain, laying on his coworker’s keyboard, pawing at the phone cord, using stacks of papers as a bed and refusing to move, stretching on the floor during important conversations, yawning in his colleague’s faces, a lack of social distancing manners, and leaving hair everywhere.

Gilbert has, however, made some positive contributions to the office. These include and are not limited to: warming the laps of coworkers when they’re cold, giving them a handsome face to look at, making them laugh with daily shenanigans, adhering to Covid guidelines by constantly washing himself, and being open and honest about his feelings.

After evaluating Gilbert’s performance, strengths, skills, and areas needing improvement, the final recommendation is for Gilbert to be promoted to the role of Beloved Family Member. As of this date, Gilbert will be looking for his new “coworker,” AKA a loving human.


Theresa Geary, Gilbert’s supervisor (and CHS Director of Operations)

Addendum: Gilbert’s promotion has been made official, as he has gone home with a new dad who was over the moon to welcome the tabby into his life.

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